How many of us have got stuck in an uncomfortable or difficult or fierce conversation? Studies shows 45% of the conversation are difficult, fierce and uncomfortable, however only 1% books are written on this topic.
Be it work or personal life I have been in some really difficult and uncomfortable conversations. Sometimes I don’t know what I should say or how to handle it. Over the period of time and with the guidance of my mentors, I have kind of created a checklist that I follow.

I found this picture when I was reading one blog, and thought this would be a great visual demonstration of how one can know they are in an unpleasant conversation. The key is to anticipate and be prepared for how the other person may react.
The guidelines below provide techniques for handling possible reactions you may encounter when you are engaged in a difficult conversation.
1) If the person Argues or disagrees – You may want to
* Listen to/acknowledge the person’s perspective.
* Provide concrete/specific examples.
* Explain why you have concerns.
You can achieve the above by saying something on these lines -
* I sense that you feel differently about this. Let me suggest we
focus on…and try to come to a mutual agreement on…
* I can appreciate your perspective. Let’s try to work through the
issues and reach common ground.
2) If the person Appears surprised or shocked- You may want to
* Acknowledge the person’s shocked response.
* Show empathy for his/her feelings.
* Continue with the conversation, but be caring/calming.
You can achieve the above by saying something on these lines -
* I can see this surprises you. Let me share some additional
information to help you better understand where this is coming
from
* What are you thinking/feeling about what I’ve said?
3) If the person is non-responsive, says little or nothing and gets emotional- You may want to
* Ask questions to draw the person out.
* Allow for pauses/silence-the person may just need the time to
process/understand the messages.
* Specially when someone gets emotional Sit quietly, and give the
person time and space for expression; wait until they can go on.
You can achieve the above by saying something on these lines -
* What are your thoughts? What do you think the issues are?
* You’re being very quiet. Help me understand what you’re
feeling/thinking.
* I’m sensing how upsetting it may be for you to hear this.
4) If the person avoids the issue, refuses to listen, changes the subject – You may want to
* Show empathy for his/her feelings
* Reflect on how the person may be feeling.
* Redirect to the topic at hand by having the person summarize
what you have said.
You can achieve the above by saying something on these lines -
* I understand it’s difficult to take what I’m saying and how you
may be feeling.
* Let’s talk this through more so we can reach an understanding
* From our discussion so far, what do you understand to be the
issues.